


Alone Again, Naturally

by richmahogany



Category: Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 05:58:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10405452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richmahogany/pseuds/richmahogany
Summary: Deakins leaves, and it hits Bobby hard. Will this herald more changes at Major Case? And if so, what will that mean for Bobby's future? Or is it a lot of angst over nothing?





	

He couldn’t believe it. No, actually that wasn’t true. When Deakins called Bobby and Alex into his office and told them that he was going to retire, there might have been a brief moment of denial. But now he could believe it only too well. He just didn’t want to. He had argued, stormed out of the office, then came back and argued some more. It was all in vain of course. Deakins’ mind was made up, and he wasn’t going to be swayed by one of his detectives throwing a tantrum.

The next few days Bobby found it hard to concentrate on his work. His mind kept turning the same questions over and over: what was going to happen to the squad without Deakins? What was going to happen to him? There would be a new captain, of course, who would be very different. It wasn’t that he was afraid of change, but Deakins had been his boss for six years now – or was it seven? He had been there ever since Bobby joined the Major Case Squad, and that made him one of the few constants in his life, one of the few people he could rely on being there. Or so it had seemed. Now, suddenly, reality had pulled the rug from under him. Not that this was the first time that his world had been thrown out of kilter, but that didn’t make it any easier.  
Alex seemed to know what he was thinking – she usually did. He could see her casting questioning glances across their desks, but she didn’t force him to talk about it, for which he was grateful. She calmly got on with their work, and that enabled him to do the same, even if he didn’t quite pull his weight at the moment.

He didn’t talk to Alex, but when he ran into Mike Logan at one of the vending machines, he put one question to him:  
“Why did Deakins go down without a fight? Why doesn’t he stand his ground and tell it like it is? If they would just stick to the truth, he wouldn’t have to go. It’s not fair.”  
“Life isn’t fair,” Mike replied, “didn’t your mother tell you that?”  
Bobby just stared at him. Mike sighed and elaborated:  
“Sometimes it just isn’t worth the fight. It would mean a lot of stress and a lot of hassle to fight this fight, and for what? To keep a job that is full of more stress and hassle. Deakins has paid his dues. When he leaves, he can get a better job with better pay and more convenient hours. He’ll be able to see his wife for more than five minutes at a time. You wouldn’t know it, Bobby, but for some people the job isn’t everything.”

On his last day Deakins called Bobby into his office once more.  
“Sit down,” he said before Bobby could even start to pace up and down. Bobby obediently sat down in a chair while Deakins perched on his desk.  
“I know you don’t take advice easily,” he said, “that’s why I have not given you much over the years. But please do listen to me for once. When the new captain arrives, don’t make life difficult for him, or for yourself for that matter. I know things will be different, I know he’s going to run the squad his way, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be worse. You can’t blame him for not being me, you know.”  
Bobby hung his head and didn’t say anything.  
“Remember what I said to you about self-fulfilling prophesies?”  
Yes, Bobby remembered. That had been when his partnership with Alex had seemed on the verge of collapse a few months after it had started. Alex had been his third partner in a very short time, and he was secretly convinced that no partnership, no matter with whom, would work out in the long run. He thought he would be better off working on his own. Deakins had thought otherwise, and he had told him not to sabotage this partnership, consciously or not, by making that attitude a self-fulfilling prophesy. Bobby had been even worse at taking advice in those days, but he had a lot of respect for his captain, and so, for his sake, he gave it a try. Deakins had been proved right, of course, but would he be right now? Bobby wasn’t so sure.  
“Just bear that in mind, will you?” Deakins put a hand on his shoulder.  
“Do your best, like you always do, and you will be fine.” Bobby couldn’t think of anything to say, so he just nodded, got up and left the office.

In the evening they all went to a nearby bar to give their captain a good send-off. Bobby didn’t feel like going, but he couldn’t exclude himself, so he went along. He and Alex entered the bar together, but he wasn’t exactly good company that night, so he didn’t blame her when she didn’t stay by his side but went off to talk to some of their colleagues. He didn’t have the opportunity to talk to Deakins either, but that didn’t matter. There was nothing more to be said anyway. Bobby had a couple of drinks, sitting alone at the bar, and then went home.  
When he entered his apartment, he barely had the energy to kick off his shoes and throw his coat onto a chair. He stretched out on the couch and closed his eyes. He felt exhausted but at the same time he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. His thoughts were racing, just as they had been for days. He opened his eyes again and picked up the book which he had left face down on the table – a collection of Fitzgerald’s stories. No, he couldn’t concentrate on a book either. He got up and switched on the stereo, then returned to the couch. Just what was it exactly that made him feel so on edge? After all, things change all the time, people leave, other people come, in a hundred workplaces all over the city the same scenario probably was played out at this very moment. So why couldn’t he deal with it? He tried to analyze his own feelings. He was angry. Yes, that was definitely it. He was angry with Deakins for letting himself be forced out. Deakins was falling on his sword and he still didn’t understand why. He was angry with the department for playing political games. And he was angry with Deakins for leaving him. How could he do this to him? He hadn’t realized how much he had relied on Deakins being there, day after day. Someone who knew how to get the best from him, who pulled him back when he was going wrong, and who didn’t take it personally when he argued, shouted or banged the office door. There was something else though, underneath the anger. Fear. Fear of the future, of his life being turned upside down. Fear that now he had lost one of his anchors, he would be cast adrift again. For most of his life Bobby hadn’t really belonged anywhere. Of course he had always been part of something. He was part of a family – some sort of family anyway - , he was part of this or that class at school, he had even been part of the basketball team, mainly because he was tall and not because of any passion for the sport. It didn’t last long. He had a few friends at school, but mostly he knew he was an outsider, someone on the periphery of things, looking on, not taking part. Later, in the Army – well, everybody was in it together in the Army, but even there he had often been the odd one out. His partnerships in Narcotics, before he joined the Major Case Squad, had all been short-lived, and even though he had been successful he knew that he already had a growing reputation for being eccentric, for doing things differently, or for being plain crazy. It was largely thanks to Deakins that he finally felt at home somewhere. True, he still wasn’t exactly popular, but he knew he was doing good work, and that was because Deakins gave him the room to do it. He had gradually realized that Deakins truly trusted him, and in return his respect for his superior had grown. Bobby did not trust people easily, but he had seen how Deakins defended him in front of the ADA and others. Deakins could let Bobby have his way because he usually turned out to be right, but he could also see when Bobby was going wrong, and so Bobby learned to trust his guidance. Over the years Bobby had felt secure in this relationship which had been to their mutual advantage.  
And of course Deakins had put him together with Alex. Suddenly a new wave of fear hit him. What if Alex was going to leave him as well? She had come close before, and with such a big change happening in the squad, this would be a good moment for her to make a change as well. He was certain that he would never be promoted beyond his current rank, but that was no reason why her career should stall as well. She was bright, hard-working and well-liked. She would make an excellent lieutenant. Besides, if his relations with the new captain took a turn for the worse, if he went down, he could easily take her down with him. She didn’t deserve that, so why should she take the chance? But without her he would be lost. If Deakins was one of the fixed points in his life, she was the other. Their partnership was the longest he had ever been in, and he couldn’t imagine working without her. She understood him like no one else. She was content to let him pursue his vague ideas, but made sure that he shared the results afterwards so they could take the case forward together. When he got carried away by his temper, she stayed calm, and that calmed him down as well. In interrogations she could always guess what particular mind game he was playing and chip in with the right remark at exactly the right moment. She did not always agree with him and wasn’t afraid to say so, but she always let him know that any disagreement would not damage the partnership. He had never worked with anyone who was so different from him, yet so compatible. At least, that was the way he felt about it. But how did she feel? Was she as content as he was with what they had, or did she feel the pressures that being his partner brought with it? She had stuck with him for so many years, but it was easy to imagine that she had enough of his behavior reflecting badly on her. He would probably find out soon enough what she intended to do, but he dreaded what the answer would be. He just couldn’t push these thoughts away, and it was with a vague sense of foreboding that he finally fell asleep on the couch.

Back at the bar Deakins was approaching Alex.  
“Where’s Bobby?”  
“Gone home,” she said.  
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” He was no longer entirely sober, but he wasn’t drunk either, so Alex let him pull her towards an unoccupied niche where they sat down. He thought for moment before he said:  
“Don’t take this the wrong way, Alex, I know you are not his babysitter, but keep an eye on Bobby for me, will you?”  
Alex looked surprised, but before she could say anything he went on:  
“I don’t know the new captain well, and I haven’t spoken to him. He hasn’t come to me for advice. I wish he had. Of course I’m worried about handing ‘my’ squad over to someone else, but I’m worried about Bobby in particular. I’m afraid that a newcomer will not be able to look beyond the surface. And you know what that surface looks like. Someone who pulls wild theories out of thin air and runs with them. Someone who will argue his point regardless of who he is talking to. Someone who is unpredictable because he does things his own way. You know, Bobby’s first loyalty has always been to the truth, and not to the force, and that makes many people think he has his priorities the wrong way round. They are suspicious of him because they can’t figure him out. I’ve often wondered how someone who is so shrewd when it comes to human nature can be so naïve about the politics involved in the job. If Ross had asked me, I could have told him to look beyond the surface and make the best use of Bobby’s talents. But he hasn’t asked me, so he will have to figure it out for himself. Except that is not going to happen if Bobby is at odds with him, and I can see this happen only too easily. And that’s why I’m asking you to watch over him a bit.”  
“I’m not sure what I can do. Like you said, I’m not his babysitter.”  
“Just be there for him, ok? I think he feels a bit let down because I’m leaving. It will do him good if he knows that you are still there. Unless – you are not thinking of leaving as well, are you? I mean, since changes are already happening, it would be a good moment.”  
“I hadn’t thought about it.”  
“You know, he relies on you. Just be there. That’s all I can say about it. Good luck to both of you.” Deakins briefly put his hand on hers, then he got up and joined a group at the other end of the bar.

When the new captain arrived Bobby was ready to take an instant dislike to him. That didn’t quite happen, but he didn’t like him either. For the moment, Captain Ross was a cypher to him, entirely defined by his position and not by his personality. All Ross did in the beginning was to make sure he met all the staff members and then ask for status reports of the various cases they were working on. He spent his time reading those reports, arranging his things on the shelves and making phonecalls.

Two days later Bobby had his first run-in with Ross. He and Alex were working on a series of burglaries, where two of the victims had been raped as well and one had suffered an attempted sexual assault. They had made good progress. They had a suspect in custody who had admitted to the burglaries and the attempted sexual assault, but continued to deny raping anyone. Captain Ross had called them into his office to tell them he wanted the case closed as soon as possible.  
“You’ve got your suspect,” he said. “He’s admitted the burglaries. He’s even admitted the sexual assault. There is no evidence of anyone else involved. It’s obvious he did the rapes as well.”  
Bobby, who had been slouching in his chair and given every impression of not listening, suddenly looked up.  
“I believe him,” he said.  
“What?”  
“I don’t think he raped those women.”  
“Right. And why don’t you think that?”  
“It just doesn’t fit. The sexual assault, that was a crime of opportunity. Spontaneous. He just grabbed the woman because she was there. But the rapes…the rapist was prepared…there’s planning involved…it just feels different…”  
“And is there anything to prove it beyond your feeling?”  
“No, not yet, but…”  
“In that case go with what you have. I don’t believe in overthinking things. You’ve got your man, he’s good for it, so there’s no need to look for someone else. Find something to link him to those rapes, or get him to confess. I want this case off the table.”  
Bobby jumped up. “Captain, I’m sure it wasn’t him. There is someone else out there, raping women, and…”  
“Detective, you heard me. The case is closed.”  
“No, it is not! If we don’t find the other guy, because we are not even looking for him, he will rape more women, and it will be your fault!”  
“That’s enough! You have gone too far. Get out of my office and do your job.”   
For a moment Bobby and Ross stared at each other, then Bobby turned round and marched out of the office. Alex sighed inwardly as she looked after him, then she turned back to Ross.   
“Captain,” she said, “it’s not as cut and dried as it seems. There are still a few loose ends to tie up. We’re not ready to close the case yet. We need a bit more time.”  
Ross sighed as well, and he didn’t do it inwardly. “OK, Detective, do what you have to do.”  
Alex returned to her desk, and as she walked past her partner, she said quietly: “Way to go, Bobby.” He gave her one of his contrite looks, but his expression was too stubborn to be truly apologetic.  
“If you’re so sure, you’d better find something convincing, and quick.”   
That was what he had needed, her permission to pursue his theory on his own until he could corroborate it. For the next couple of hours he buried himself in his books.

During the following week the truce between Bobby and Ross held. This was largely because Bobby’s hunch turned out to be correct. When they tackled the case from a different angle, they found evidence of a second perpetrator, who had entered the burglarized apartments after the burglar and taken advantage of the residents. It was also helped by the fact that Ross had his hands full dealing with the fallout from Mike Logan’s rather impulsive behavior while on a case. When Ross finally turned his attention back to Alex and Bobby, they were about to arrest a second suspect for raping the two women. Ross was pleased with the result and was not above telling them so. Things were looking up. But despite all that Alex was aware that something was preying on Bobby’s mind. Several times Alex caught him staring at her, but when she looked back and raised her eyebrows, he just bent over whatever it was he was reading. He seemed preoccupied with things other than the case, he was quiet and distracted. And he was fidgeting worse than ever, so much so that one of the secretaries asked Alex one day, “What’s up with Bobby? He hasn’t been like that since you had the baby.” But of course Bobby wouldn’t talk about it, and since Alex didn’t believe in interrogating your own partner, she didn’t say anything either.

They were on their way to a new crime scene. Alex felt thrown back into the bad old days at the very beginning of their partnership, when she would drive and he would sit there in silence, staring out of the window, which was what he was doing now. She tried to start a conversation:  
“Did you know that Dino has applied for the job on that new cyber-crime task force?”  
“Yeah, I heard,” he said without looking at her. After a moment he asked:  
“What about you?”  
He tried to sound casual, but she could practically feel the tension behind those words. So that was it! He thought that she was going to leave as well. Of course, Deakins had had the same idea, but at least he had asked her outright. With Bobby, though, anything that involved him emotionally he kept to himself. Well, in that case he would have to find a way out of this himself as well. So she only said:  
“Why would I?”  
“It would be a good opportunity for you if you wanted a change. That’s where the future is going to be, you know – all this computer stuff is going to be more and more important. You’re good with computers.”  
“I’m better than you, which is not saying much. And anyway, do you think I want to spend my days among super-clever geeks who say ‘beam me up, Scotty’ instead of normal conversation?”  
“Nobody ever said that,” he mumbled.  
“What?”  
He finally looked at her.  
“No one actually uttered the phrase ‘beam me up Scotty’ in the original Star Trek series. They said ‘two to beam up’, or mostly they said ‘energize’, and…”  
She heaved an exaggerated sigh.  
“See what I mean? One of you is bad enough. A whole bunch would do my head in.”  
Her tone was joking, but he was still serious.  
“It wouldn’t be like that. You know that.”  
“Anyway,” she said, “why do you think I would be so eager to get away from Major Case?”  
“It’s just that, with everything changing anyway, I thought…maybe you’ve had enough. Being my partner, I mean. I know I’m not exactly making your life easier.”  
She shrugged.  
“If I wanted an easy life, I wouldn’t be a cop.”  
They had arrived at the scene, and any reply he might have to that would have to wait.

Later, back at the office, Alex sat opposite Bobby at her desk as usual and watched him stab impatiently at his keyboard. She had enough of her own typing to do, but for a moment she paused for thought.  
Bobby had been on edge ever since Deakins left, and now Alex knew why. Bobby was afraid that Alex would go as well and leave him alone in the department, without a friend or at least an ally. The thing was, Alex had no intention of leaving. Her partnership with Bobby had never been easy, but they had sustained it for so many years now, and it still worked. She knew she was onto a good thing. Their skills complemented each other, and together they were very successful. True, she was often annoyed at Bobby, like when he had once again trampled over everyone and everything in pursuit of the truth and left her to pick up the pieces, or when he went off to pursue some figment of his imagination, leaving her not even able to guess what he was up to. But there were upsides to the partnership as well. There was of course the excellent clearance rate, which had cemented their reputation within the department. And Bobby, infuriating as he could be sometimes, had turned out to be a true partner. Even if the old school cops who couldn’t conceive of a female officer were slowly dying out, it was still more difficult for a woman to make it in the police force. The sexism was more subtle these days, but it was definitely still there. Bobby, however, had never seen her as anything else than a good officer and a good partner. He had never thought that there were things she couldn’t or shouldn’t do because she was a woman. He simply didn’t think in those terms, and she found that refreshing. He was more than ready to acknowledge her superior skills in some areas, and never assumed anything about her on the basis of stereotypes. Even if he didn’t always act on it, she knew that ultimately he saw her as his true partner and his equal. Those were the positives which for her outweighed the negatives, and she had no desire to change her situation.  
Bobby really should have known that, she thought. She had never given any indication that she was dissatisfied with the way things were. It was all in his head. She didn’t say anything to him because she didn’t think it would do any good. No, she thought, he had somehow argued himself into the swamp of fear he seemed to be stuck in, he would have to pull himself out of it. She would simply stay where she was and wait for him to see sense.

They were working late, sitting opposite each other, each occupied with a stack of files. Occasionally they handed a piece of paper across the desks or pointed something out in one of the files, but otherwise they worked in silence. Suddenly Bobby’s cellphone rang, and he went out into the corridor to take the call. When he came back he said:  
“I’ve got to meet this friend. It’s about the case…I think he can clarify something for me, so…”  
“You want me to come? I always enjoy meeting your friends.”  
“No, I’d rather you didn’t. He’s a bit shy, I think he’d prefer to meet me on my own. He’s here, just round the corner. I won’t be long. I know it’s late but will you still be here when I come back?”  
She smiled.  
“Sure,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
